This article, Parson Simms, was written by Screennameless. Please do not edit this fiction without the writer's permission.

This article, Parson Simms, follows the Reconnoiter fan-canon originally created by User:Screennameless.

Parson Simms
Date of Birth 27 BE
Date of Death Still alive.
Date of Death He doesn't know it.
Gender Male
Height 5'10"
Weight 180 lbs
Race Human
Occupation Shepherd of the Church of the Last Asylum
Marital Status Celibate
Relative[s] None alive.
Status Active

"The test of a preacher is that his congregation goes away saying, not, 'What a lovely sermon!' but, 'I will do something!'"
— Billy Graham

Parson Simms is a forty-one-year-old Stranded. He is the spiritual leader of the Church of the Last Asylum, and resides in Pithodi. He has close-cropped black hair, a full, equally black beard, and light blue eyes. He always wears a white button-down shirt, dress pants, and loafers.


When the Locust emerged from beneath the earth, Parson Simms felt little fear. His hometown of Pithodi was untouched, his wife and twin daughters safe in the home he had purchased with his audit manager's salary. Their relative affluence had sheltered them from the Pendulum Wars. He procured a Lancer when the savagery of the Locust became clearer but never dreamed that he would use it.

When his idyllic home was torn in half by an orbital beam, Parson Simms knew fear for the first time. He emerged from the rubble of his home unscathed and without family to view his town torn asunder, one half a blackened crater, the other untouched. He viewed the heaven he had once known and the hell that had begun side by side, and religion entered his being with the violence of a gunshot. The Locust became a plague cast upon the sinners and the weak, the COG and the bystanders. Those who took action, those who survived, would create the world anew. And Parson would survive.

Eager for guidance, the remaining citizens of Pithodi either sought refuge in Jacinto or submitted to Parson's fervor and eloquence. Under his leadership, they constructed a wall around the unharmed section of Pithodi and lived quietly within that bastion. The Church of the Last Asylum was formed, and Parson's beliefs grew in strength.

Within the year, Deacon McCarrick staggered into Pithodi one day during Parson's daily sermon. He sat in the farthest pew, unnoticed. Then, in the middle of the mass, Deacon walked to the front of the makeshift church, punched Parson in the face, and announced that he would be taking over the government of the town. Nobody was inclined to question him. Deacon took control, and Parson left. He wandered the wastes, unable to regain the power he had once held, the flock he had once led.

After several years, Parson returned to Pithodi. Surprisingly, he found support in Iris Langton, who used her influence to bring attendees to his sermons. The Church of the Last Asylum became a force in Pithodi once again, despite Deacon's resignations.


For more on Parson today, visit Reconnoiter at


  • Parson's name was selected without any real thought. It was only later that Screennameless realized that she had named a religious leader "Parson". And that his rival was named "Deacon". *facepalm*
  • Parson's theme song is "Intro/Chamber the Cartridge" by Rise Against.

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